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Top Ten Horror Movies (plus a trailer)

Tuesday, October 28th, 2008

Poltergeist. This movie freaked the hell out of me. It is the sole reason why I am afraid of EVPs and cannot stand to hear static or see snow on a tv. “They’re heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere…”
Cabin Fever. First it has the cute guy from “Boy Meets World” second, it is just one of the nastiest gore-fest movies ever and it has that wonderful tinge of verisimilitude… that leaves you thinking, Just how safe is that bottle of water you’re drinking?!?! Plus, Eli Roth. Babe, if you’re googling yourself and this blog post comes up, know that I would very happily leave the aforementioned husband to have your love child. Side benefit? you’re American so we won’t have to deal with USCIS.
The Entity. A woman gets raped, repeatedly by a poltergeist and everyone thinks she’s manifesting a guilt trip to cover up “masturbatorial fantasies” about her son. Any movie that adds to my vocabulary with a word like “masturbatorial” is up on my list. Plus, it just freaked me the hell out. *shudder*
Sleep Away Camp. Hehehe. This movie is so campy it’s bad. But still, the killer’s name is Angela, so what’s not to like?
The Shining. I’ve only watched it once. It scarred me and I probably won’t be able to ever watch it again. That said, it deserves to be on my list. Worst part? When Jack Nicholson is hitting on the sexy woman in the bathroom and all the sudden she’s looking like a quarter pounder a la Morgan Spurlock’s “SuperSize Me”. When he realizes that the woman is really a corpse… eeeew.
Halloween, Rob Zombie version. Oh my lord. Words cannot express how much I loved this movie. It’s only down so far on my list because of the other movies. I think that Rob Zombie did such an excellent job of semi-humanizing Michael Meyers and then completely removing humanity from his character, in such a way that totally made him fifty times more creepy. Because really, until Michael Meyers kills Danny Trejo you kind of feel sorry for him,
Thanksgiving. OK, it’s a trailer, not a real movie. But if ever there was a movie I could help bankroll (other than LGP movies, of course) it would be this one. Eli, if you’re still reading this, my phone number is ************. Call me.
Hostel 2. (I have no shame). This movie rocked so hard– I loved the ending. Hostel 1 was kind of a let down after Cabin Fever, but the sequel made up for everything and then some. And when the annoying chick from “the princess diaries” gets a scythe to the back… wow. Absolutely Amazing.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre (70s edition). Again, we go back to the reasoning “it freaked the hell out of me”. The house was an entire character in its own right, so dirty, grimy and spooky with the animal skeletons and everything. And the way the hitch hiker girl commits suicide in the beginning (”you’re going the wrong way”) totally gave me chills.
The Ring. So it was the beginning of the J-Horror flood. It still freaked me the hell out and when you think about it, we’ve now come full circle– from one movie about EVPs to another… only, different.